I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
