you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How external is "for external use only"?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
