i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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