I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
