my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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