I puked a lego.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you never un-have a 4some
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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