You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
