There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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