Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
