Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
