fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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