He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
