I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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