Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
