Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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