Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
