Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
