then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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