umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
