Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
