Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
