Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
