we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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