Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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