You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
