Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
false alarm, still single
Randomize