he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do vagina's smell?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
