how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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