Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
