what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
