Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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