would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
