I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
