Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
