I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
