in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
