the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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