right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize