I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize