hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
