Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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