if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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