At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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