i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
