You don't have asthma, your pregnant
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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