i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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