i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
