it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
