If i come over, it means nothing
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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