If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
