I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
