my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
