just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
