I need help removing her.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
