Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it was like eating out sand paper
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
