tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no, he came in my armpit
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
