I looked at my own cervix.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize