I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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