Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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