ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
