Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
