It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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