her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize