eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
