One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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