Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
