i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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