wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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