I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
