i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
