That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
