ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
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