Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
