i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
