I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
