i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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