I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize