So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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