i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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