Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
