First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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