It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
