This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
