Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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