so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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