I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
