U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize