Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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