Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
