Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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