Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
