I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
