her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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