I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
