I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
