I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
