I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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