I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
