He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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