The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
