ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
