if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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