I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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