On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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